Egle’s story: trip to Thailand changed me unrecognizably

Even though traveling was always part of my life, if anyone said that I would give up everything in my country and move to Thailand- I would never believe that.

Before I lived a normal life, I moved from my hometown to the capital city after high school. I got a good job in an international company; I was thinking about my bright future, a vast career in the corporate world. I also was in a serious relationship, thinking of getting married and having kids like everyone else around us.

But some part of me wasn’t happy. I felt pressured to live this normal life – having kids, being a wife, having a good job, and buying a house with a mortgage. And I felt it wasn’t me.  I felt lost.

After 2 years of thinking and dreaming, I brought a one-way ticket to Bangkok. My plan was simple: 3 months traveling around Southeast Asia and finding myself. At that time, my main goal was to answer the self-realization question and find the purpose of life.  So, in 2019 September 18, I left for Bangkok for the 3 months adventure.

It was already November, and I remember I felt that it’s time to find the answers I came for. I still needed to figure out what I want to do with my life, so I went to a remote village in Laos, locked myself in for 3 days. I did many things: danced, sang, drank, and smoked. Nothing worked.

I was so naive to think that these big questions will be answered in a day…  The more I pushed myself, the more I suffered.

These annoying thoughts began to leave me gradually when I started traveling again. Meeting new people, seeing new places helped me to break my habitual thinking habits.  But at the end of three months, I felt that it is not enough time, I need to stay here for longer. I decided to stay for an unlimited time until all the questions will be answered.

This realization didn’t go well with my boyfriend.  I didn’t want to hurt him, to keep him waiting (even though he said he would). So, we broke up. I needed freedom to be on my own. I didn’t want to take responsibility for another person’s happiness.

So I stayed with this uncertainty. I was afraid. I didn’t know how long it’s going to last, what’s going to happen, so I decided to find a safe place until things get more stable.

I found an animal shelter in Thailand’s deep south, where I spent 3 months volunteering with stray dogs. It was a memorable and rewarding experience, and there I felt truly safe.

When the situation got more stable, I started missing some challenges, so I found a job as an English teacher in a school in one small village in a less touristy part of Thailand. It was a great job! I loved working with kids, and I felt fulfilled! Also, the salary was good, and I got enough money to travel around.

Since I was the only white, blond woman in the village, everyone knew who I was! They used to invite me to participate in all local festivities and religious ceremonies. I felt like a part of the community like I was living the dream!

But after a while, I started to feel lonely, isolated from people of my age, so once again, I packed my bags and left.

And ended up in Chiang Mai. It is an amazing city where spirituality and traditions meet western culture! Again, I worked as a teacher and met lots of amazing people from all over the world! They influenced me a lot. I started to practice martial arts, cooking healthy food, I traveled on a scooter all around the region. It was an exciting part of my life, one of the best!

After 6 months of living my best life, I started feeling the need for change. I felt that it might be the end of my Asian adventure, at least for now. After almost 2 years, I decided to go home.

So what is next?

I don’t know! I still haven’t answered this self-realization question, but now I don’t care. It’s okay not to know. This trip changed me unrecognizably. I don’t remember anymore what kind of person I was before.

The most important thing is that I found the meaning of life, and it is simply to live, to experience it fully! That is what I am going to do! First, I want to walk the Camino de Santiago trail and after that maybe South America. I don’t know, but just in case, I ‘m already learning Spanish. Who knows what adventure awaits!